(Brief background bit. A wee while ago
Wee Ginger Dug did a story aboot David Mundell. Cannae mind whit the story wis,
bit ah jist sat and firespit oot the wordspurt below in his comments section in
aboot ten minutes is a writing exercise. Is ye'll see, ah huv zero respect fir oor (self)-esteemed SecStatScot.)
‘Look it Moandull. He's no a man. He's
a nyaff, a numpty wee jobbie ye'd ping ootay yer way tae get tae the bar. His
voice, the mournful plaintive bleat ay an eyerolling dying sheep caught oan a
barbed wire fence, wid gie ye the aural boak. He disnae understand nuhhin aboot
nuhhin.
Look it him!
Seriously. If ye kin stand tae, LOOK IT
HIM!
Haud that gaze...
steady...
steady...
steady is she goes...
look him in the greedy bleary beady rodent een...
n tell me...
kin ye imagine meeting him n haeing an intelligent or interesting conversation aboot ONYHING, IVIR? It's clear Davidsonofabitcher-bookend Moandull is a dullard, a dolt, a dimbulb, a dipshit, a dickhead, a bellend, a moaner, a groaner, a swooner, a shitsong crooner, a tuneless goon, an Orange future mirage manufacturer, a whiner, a complainer, a nonentity, a Quisling, a 19th century colonial English explorer type swatting it troublesome cybernat flies buzzing roond his sweatdripper pith helmet, a sudoforic snorebore, an explosion ay fart bubbles in a puddle ay career incompetence, a tantrum-tossing tosser toddler, a footstamper, a harumpher, an inverteBrit walking-upright enigma, a self-loathing lubed-power-channels-servicer, a democracy tamperer, an aw-wee-shame scared barefaced liar, a shiteing it fae ay fae decency n dignity uncivil indentured servant, a bacteria transmitter, a responsibility-scamperer, a reality-scarperer, a none-less-sharperer, a perfect erectile dysfunction nightmare, a hornfree faker in a hoorhoose, a moangoose thit laid nae golden egg, a London-table-scraps beggar, a screw loose in a well-soiled machine ay historical incompetence, an office-free talking squawking orifice, a pure state ay a secretary ay state fir fuck all, a jellyfish chimera, a mental midget, an ugly optical swillusion, a thrills killer, a shitespiller, a gladhander, a hearty-meal backslapper, a Union Jacksy arselicker, a crumbsucker, a thumbscrew-tightener, a wean-frightener, a laughable zero sum game, a guff diver, a horrible phantom ay a bad smell in Westminster corridors ay the power-crazed, a zombie economy shuffler, a debts deliverer, a shell game shill, a mean queen's shilling pockets-filler, a zoomer intae nae-man's-bland, a rocket hauf-man on an explosive Challenger visit tae naewhaur, a crack on a country's windshield thit wid make ye fail yer hard-worked-fir independence MOT, a new debilitating STD strain, a gravy train rider, a sanity party crasher, a cash flasher, a me-my-mine grab-and-smasher, an SNP-basher, a Scotland-trasher, an SOB, a POS, a LOL in the political proceedings, a division breeder, a sedition treader, a Beano reader, a whimper-no-a-banger, a rage against the dying ay the right wing, a colicky scattish cringing gut spasm, a dry orgasm, a wrang-side-ay-history bettor, a switch-hitter bitter thegither pimp, a gless jaw sporter, a shattering scream fae his violated internal mirror iviry time he gazes intae it, an awfucknaw follicle forest facial feeder, a nae great surprise, a left-oan-the-shelf-fulfilling prophecy ay nae particular useful revelation, a UK Tory-supporters-sedative drug dealer, a fake-details-squealer, a report-fudger, a Holyrood mumbler, a baw-fumbler, a hauf-empty tumbler, a mumbled jumble ay empty promises fawing tae the laughing Royal Mile like deid reality-theft magpies shot oot ay the bluenwhite Saltire-saluted tireless sky by the oncoming yin o clock cannon boom signifying
the messy perfect birth
ay the long overdue
lovely future indy
shape ay oor
beautyfuel
country.'
steady...
steady...
steady is she goes...
look him in the greedy bleary beady rodent een...
n tell me...
kin ye imagine meeting him n haeing an intelligent or interesting conversation aboot ONYHING, IVIR? It's clear Davidsonofabitcher-bookend Moandull is a dullard, a dolt, a dimbulb, a dipshit, a dickhead, a bellend, a moaner, a groaner, a swooner, a shitsong crooner, a tuneless goon, an Orange future mirage manufacturer, a whiner, a complainer, a nonentity, a Quisling, a 19th century colonial English explorer type swatting it troublesome cybernat flies buzzing roond his sweatdripper pith helmet, a sudoforic snorebore, an explosion ay fart bubbles in a puddle ay career incompetence, a tantrum-tossing tosser toddler, a footstamper, a harumpher, an inverteBrit walking-upright enigma, a self-loathing lubed-power-channels-servicer, a democracy tamperer, an aw-wee-shame scared barefaced liar, a shiteing it fae ay fae decency n dignity uncivil indentured servant, a bacteria transmitter, a responsibility-scamperer, a reality-scarperer, a none-less-sharperer, a perfect erectile dysfunction nightmare, a hornfree faker in a hoorhoose, a moangoose thit laid nae golden egg, a London-table-scraps beggar, a screw loose in a well-soiled machine ay historical incompetence, an office-free talking squawking orifice, a pure state ay a secretary ay state fir fuck all, a jellyfish chimera, a mental midget, an ugly optical swillusion, a thrills killer, a shitespiller, a gladhander, a hearty-meal backslapper, a Union Jacksy arselicker, a crumbsucker, a thumbscrew-tightener, a wean-frightener, a laughable zero sum game, a guff diver, a horrible phantom ay a bad smell in Westminster corridors ay the power-crazed, a zombie economy shuffler, a debts deliverer, a shell game shill, a mean queen's shilling pockets-filler, a zoomer intae nae-man's-bland, a rocket hauf-man on an explosive Challenger visit tae naewhaur, a crack on a country's windshield thit wid make ye fail yer hard-worked-fir independence MOT, a new debilitating STD strain, a gravy train rider, a sanity party crasher, a cash flasher, a me-my-mine grab-and-smasher, an SNP-basher, a Scotland-trasher, an SOB, a POS, a LOL in the political proceedings, a division breeder, a sedition treader, a Beano reader, a whimper-no-a-banger, a rage against the dying ay the right wing, a colicky scattish cringing gut spasm, a dry orgasm, a wrang-side-ay-history bettor, a switch-hitter bitter thegither pimp, a gless jaw sporter, a shattering scream fae his violated internal mirror iviry time he gazes intae it, an awfucknaw follicle forest facial feeder, a nae great surprise, a left-oan-the-shelf-fulfilling prophecy ay nae particular useful revelation, a UK Tory-supporters-sedative drug dealer, a fake-details-squealer, a report-fudger, a Holyrood mumbler, a baw-fumbler, a hauf-empty tumbler, a mumbled jumble ay empty promises fawing tae the laughing Royal Mile like deid reality-theft magpies shot oot ay the bluenwhite Saltire-saluted tireless sky by the oncoming yin o clock cannon boom signifying
the messy perfect birth
ay the long overdue
lovely future indy
shape ay oor
beautyfuel
country.'
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